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The Most Hilarious Failed Drug Test Excuses

The National Drug Screening blog is a great resource for employers and employees to learn more about the drug testing landscape in their particular industry. While 99.9% of our content is serious and informative, we decided to take this opportunity to have a little fun. Here are some hilarious and outlandish drug test excuses that you might hear»

Why Did You Fail Your Test?
Funny story. My dentist is a little crazy and I recently had a tooth pulled. Maybe he slipped a little something extra to help me with the pain? It definitely wasn’t me, I don’t use drugs!

**Your dentist didn’t give you heroin!**

We Are a DOT Regulated Company– You Can’t Test Positive for Marijuana!
I have no idea what they are talking about. I have never smoked weed in my life! I was sitting in a car a few weeks back while my friends smoked, but I didn’t touch the joint. Oh, that must be it right? It’s possible to fail a test for second hand smoke!

**Possible, but highly unlikely!**

We Know Hair Tests Date Back Further– When Was the Last Time You Smoked Weed?
We had an office Christmas Party last year and a couple of guys were passing around a blunt. I only hit it one time to fit in with the crowd I swear!

**It’s May, that excuse is not going to fly!**

We’re Seeing That You Tested Positive for Cocaine– Why Is That?
Cocaine? Who? Me? I don’t even know where I would get cocaine. My mom asked me to get some sugar out of the cupboard and taste it to make sure it didn’t go bad. But that is the only thing I can think of…

**Sugar doesn’t go bad, genius! And this is just an overall terrible excuse.**

You Seem to Have Tested Positive for Opiates, Methamphetamine and Marijuana– Care to Elaborate?
Well, I probably shouldn’t have used that guy’s pee. He is really messed up!

**Can’t fault the honesty.**

We hope you enjoyed these! If you have any funny drug testing excuses to share, please do so on our Facebook page!